Trivial Pursuits

A little lighthearted snippet. I needed to take a break from those intense stories!


Hutch dragged his pale, blue eyes from the manual typewriter where he was laboriously attempting to finish up a detailed report of the drug bust that went down last night. Dobey had made it exceptionally clear that he wanted it on his desk by the end of the day.

The blond looked over to his partner who sat across from him, legs up on his desk, blue Adidas crossed at the ankles. The brunet was busy shoving the last bite of a doughnut into his mouth, his nose buried intently in a book he was reading. Hutch squinted his eyes, leaned forward slightly, and silently read the title, "Amazing Facts... Believe It Or Not!" Hutch snorted softly. His partner was such a sucker for that type of genre. Hutch continued typing; but eventually, his partner's continued silence got the better of him.

"Hey... found out anything 'amazing' in there buddy?" Hutch asked, blond brows rising slightly, trying to keep the derision he felt from entering into his voice.

"Hmmmm?" His partner grunted from behind the book.

Hutch shook his head, then rolled his eyes as he saw his partner's hand blindly grope across the table for the opened box of sugared doughnuts. Hutch watched as that hand skillfully grabbed another doughnut and dragged it behind the book, only to bring that same pastry out a moment later to lay it on the desk, a small, neat half circle taken out of it.

"Hello? Did you even hear me?" Hutch asked again, feeling a bit annoyed, as his partner continued to engross himself with whatever trash he was reading.

"Nope." the brunet replied, but Hutch could hear the smile behind that simple word. The blond could feel his own lips twitch in response to his partner's playfulness and he quickly pressed his lips together in an attempt to squash down that involuntary reaction.

"Fine!" Hutch huffed, ignoring his partner as he settled his hands over the keys of the typewriter. "I don't know why you waste your time reading junk like that... it's not like you could learn anything from it."

Starsky slowly put down the book and stared his blond counterpart in the eye, his own dark blue eyes twinkling in amusement. "Yeah? What do you know about it... hmm?"

"Well, I know this report would get done faster if you helped out here instead of just sitting there, stuffing your face with unhealthy, prepackaged, processed food, filling your mind with useless information."

Starsky snorted softly, returning his vibrant eyes to the book at hand, "Well, we only have one typewriter and one report to write, and it's your turn Blondie. I did the last one... remember?"

Hutch glared at his partner, then looked briefly up at the ceiling of the squad room, trying to think of the right adjective to describe the scene of the crime, "Ah... what was that word I'm looking for?" he mumbled to himself, tapping his foot impatiently under the metal typewriter stand, his fingers posed, ready, curled over the keys, waiting for his brain to kick into gear.

"Lethologica." Starsky said from behind the book, ankles locked together, blue Adidas rocking quietly back and forth on the desk.

"What?" Hutch asked, annoyed because the word he was looking for had just popped into his brain, but popped right back out as Starsky voiced the strange word.

"Lethologica," Starsky said again, lowering his book to reveal sparkling, ocean-blue depths. At Hutch's confused look, the brunet lowered his legs, put down his book and folded his hands together on the desktop. "Lethologica... it's a word that describes what you've just experienced Hutch." The curly haired man lifted his lips in a lopsided grin, talking slowly and calmly like some professor from the University. "It's the state of not being able to remember the word you want." Dark brows wagged impishly over eyes glowing with repressed humor.

Hutch stared at his rambunctious partner, then snorted loudly, "And I suppose you learned that word from that book you've been buried in huh?"

"Yup," Starsky said smugly, "You should read this book Hutch, it could teach you a lot of things."

"Yeah? Like what?" Hutch scoffed, unable to keep from smirking at the wide-eyed brunet, who sat across from him, hands still folded primly in front of him.

"We-e-e-ll," the dark haired man drawled out, "For starters, you could finish that report, turn it in to Dobey, and then practice typing out this sentence, 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.'" The brunet chuckled at the look on his friend's face. "Do you know Hutch, that that sentence uses every letter in the alphabet? Can you imagine Hutch, if you typed that over and over again, you'd start to memorize where those keys on the typewriter were, and pretty soon, you'd be just whipping up those reports buddy!"

Hutch quickly raised his eyes to the ceiling again, mentally checking if every letter of the alphabet was used in that simple sentence while his partner rambled on. Needless to say, the blond was surprised to see that his partner was right about that.

He lowered his eyes to look at his partner who raised his own dark brows, a huge grin plastered on his face. "See? I'm right, ain't I?" The brunet began to chuckle as he saw the furrow between his partner's brows deepen in irritation, "Ah Hutch... I know you're just a teeny weeny bit impressed huh?"

The blond snorted loudly, watching as his curly haired partner lifted the steaming coffee mug to his lips to take a cautious sip. "You know Starsk, for someone who knows so much trivia, I would think you would know that apples, and not caffeine, are a more efficient way of waking you up in the morning."

"Yeah?" the brunet raised one brow, then lowered it with a "Hmmm!"

The blond smugly returned to his task at hand and paused, thinking for minute, before starting to type once again.

"Well, if you know apples wake you up better, then how come you always drinking coffee huh?" Starsky said smiling, watching as his frustrated partner jabbed the wrong key, groaned loudly, and then attempted to erase his mistake, using the brush at the end of the eraser-pencil to sweep the eraser flakes from the paper.

"Starsky," Hutch huffed as he rolled the paper back down into the typewriter, "Can you please not talk to me right now... I gotta finish this before Dobey bites my head off."

"Hey... that reminds me... did ya know Hutch, that a female praying mantis will bite the head off a male praying mantis to initiate sex? The male praying mantis can't have sex while his head is attached to his body." Starsky shuddered, raising large blue eyes to his partner, "Pretty gruesome huh Hutch? Makes Diana Harmon look almost harmless!" The brunet snickered at his joke, much to the annoyance of the blonde.

Hutch glared at his chuckling partner, returning his fingers to the keys on the typewriter, "Well, I don't know where you get your information..."

"It's all true Hutch," Starsky interjected, "And it's all right here in this book which you claim is nonsense. I bet you didn't know that some lions can mate over fifty times a day and that a pig's orgasm can last up to thirty minutes. Thirty minutes Hutch! Shit, now I won't feel so bad when the bad guys call me a pig!"

Hutch stared at his partner, eyes wide, mouth open, "You mean your comparing yourself with a pig Starsk?"

"Hey, thirty minutes is thirty minutes... I ain't knocking it buddy. If a mean witch came along and turned me into something else, I'd tell her to turn me into a pig and then I'd just rut all day long. God! What a life!" Starsky closed his eyes and sighed, locking his arms behind his head, as he leaned back into his seat, to once again put his feet up on his desk.

Hutch stared at his partner, flabbergasted, "Starsk, I don't think animals mate for pleasure. As far as I know, only human beings find pleasure in the sharing of sex..."

"Dolphins do too." Starsky rebutted, opening one eye to reveal sparkling cobalt, "Humans beings and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. But that pig sounds like he knows his stuff too!" The dark haired man chuckled lewdly.

Yeah and maybe some chimps do too, the blond thought sarcastically as he watched his partner scratch his head. "God Starsk, that's disgusting!" Hutch retorted. "Look, will you take your book and your disturbing facts and go somewhere else... go share them with Millie or something huh? Unlike you, I've got work to do, and with you interrupting me every second, it's already taking me three times as long to do this report... I might as well be left-handed or something." Hutch smiled, knowing how his partner hated it when he teased him about being a southpaw.

"Yeah? Well did ya know Hutch that all polar bears are left-handed hmmm? Did they teach you that in college huh buddy?"

Hutched dragged his hand through his fine gold locks and eyed his curly haired friend who began to chuckle, dark blue eyes twinkling with mirth.

"It's true Hutch!" Starsky laughed as he looked at the stunned expression on his blond partner's face, "Go ask them Indians that live in out there in them cold places... the Inu... In..."

"Inuit," Hutch said.

"Yeah... them," Starsky agreed, "They know all about the polar bears being left-handed and they have great respect for them. Most people don't know how capable left handers, like myself, are." The curly haired man continued smugly, the familiar lopsided grin appearing once again. "In fact Hutch, did you know the word 'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand! Go on, try it Hutch," the brunet encouraged.

Hutch snorted, not to be outdone by his curly haired, fanatical, trivia-spewing partner, "Yeah? Well did you know buddy, that more than 2,500 left handed people are killed every year from using products made for right-handed people, and that right-handed people on an average, live nine-years longer than left-handed people do? It's a fact! Go find that in your book!"

"Hmmm," Starsky rubbed his chin giving his partner's words some thought, watching his blond partner as he almost painfully typed his way through the report. Starsky could see he was nearly finished. His partner could be so serious at times, and since the brunet thought it was his personal mission in life to make his sensitive friend smile he added, "Well, that may be so, I gotta look it up in my book, but you know somethin' blondie? Even though it doesn't say it in the book, I know pigs, like polar bears, must be left-handed."

"Why? Because they orgasm for thirty minutes?" Hutch sputtered, an incredulous look on his face. "That is so sick, Starsky," Hutch scolded, "I would think tha..."

"Will the two of you knock if off?" Dobey's large bulk came to the doorway of his office, "All morning long, I've been listening to you arguing about animals and I'm sick of it! You Hutch, instead of sitting there pretending to be an ostrich..." Hutch quickly looked to the brunet who snickered into his coffee cup, then returned his attention to his Captain as he continued his tirade, "...wasting time talking to this starfish," Dobey flicked his thumb over to Starsky who immediately glowered at his Captain, "...I suggest you concentrate on finishing that report. I want it on my desk by lunch!" Dobey glared at his two detectives, then turned abruptly and slammed the door to his office.

Hutch turned to look at his suddenly sullen partner, confusion evident in his pale, blue eyes, "What was that all about huh? Ostrich... starfish... what the hell was he talking about?"

"An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain Hutch... just goes to show ya what the Captain thinks of your college education buddy!" A huge grin lit up the brunet's face, and his eyes twinkled impishly, as he smugly looked the blond in the eye.

"Oh yeah? Then what did he mean when he called you a starfish?" Hutch couldn't keep from smiling when he saw the scowl that darkened his partner's suddenly glum features.

"Nuthin'!" The brunet grouched, slumping in his chair, flipping idly through the pages of the book; which until just recently had totally engrossed his now brooding partner.

"C'mon Starsk... give it up!" Hutch laughed, amusement turning his blue eyes soft as he fondly stared at the petulant brunet. At Starsky's continued silence, Hutch lunged and grabbed the book out of his friend's hand. The blond grinned at the stunned expression on his partner's face. He quickly flipped through the book coming to the "S" section. "Okay here it is... Starfish. Starfish are creatures that have no brains!"

Hutch chuckled quietly and looked up at the brunet who snorted softly, a slow grin lifting the corners of his mouth. Hutch burst out laughing at Starsky, who eventually joined the blond, howling out their amusement. "God! That's too funny, buddy," Hutch chortled, swiping his hand at the mirth induced tears that sprang to his eyes. "Jeez... I wonder how Dobey knew about the ostrich and the starfish..."

"Who d'ya think gave me the book?" Starsky snorted loudly, as Hutch started another round of giggles, soft blue eyes glistening with delight. The blond took a deep breath and refocused his attention on the report. He typed his last sentence and pulled the sheet of paper from the typewriter. "Done! And good riddance!" Hutch smiled, standing, paper in hand as he gave his partner the book.

The brunet smiled, a happy grin still plastered on his face. He took the book from Hutch's outstretched hand, flipped through it once more, and then dumped it into the wastebasket by the side of his desk.

"Why'd you do that?" Hutch asked perplexed, knowing how much his partner enjoyed sharing his knowledge of trivia and 'what if' situations. There were so many times in the past that the blond wanted to choke his partner's neck just too shut him up, as Starsky would create endless 'what if' scenarios and spew out countless trivia facts that would drive Hutch out of his mind. The blond stared at his dark haired companion who snorted softly, an impish grin spreading over his face.

"I decided that this book is full of rubbish!" Starsky declared with a definite nod of his head and a twinkle in his eye.

"Yeah? And what brought on that brilliant deduction?" Hutch smiled, affection for the brunet softening his gaze.

Starsky shrugged, a playful smile twitched at the corners of his mouth, his deep blue eyes connected to that of his partner's, "I don' know... I found one fact in there that might not be a fact... after all, facts mean that something is true right?" At the blond's affirming nod, the brunet continued, "Well, it says in there that elephants are the only mammals that can't jump..."

"Yeah? So? I don't get it," Hutch replied, confusion drawing his pale brows together.

"Well, it ain't true..." Starsky said, lowering his voice, "'Cause they obviously forgot about Dobey when they wrote the book!" The grown men put their heads together and snickered like little boys, gloating together over the fact that they had the last 'dig' over their Captain's.

Still chuckling, Hutch ruffled the unruly curls on his partner's head, "C'mon buddy, I'll turn this report in, and we'll go get some lunch. The tall blonde pulled the brunet to his feet

Starsky's eyes sparkled as he threw his arm around Hutch's shoulder, "Only if you promise that it doesn't have seaweed in it... that thing makes my stomach hurt."

Hutch watched as the bright blue eyes widened, and snorted when his partner said, "Hey Hutch, did you know that if you fart consistently for six years and nine months, you'd have enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb?"

Hutch made a face as he dragged his partner through the door, "C'mon buddy... let's go... before I lose my appetite!"